cruise critic…

after
aunt bea
got
home
from
her
first
ocean cruise
i stopped by
to
see
what she thought
of
her adventure
aunt bea
said
well
those folks
on
the ship
were
real nice
and
most
other travellers
were
nice too
with
the exception
of
a couple
of
trouble makers
who
seemed
intent
on
physical confrontation
more
than
anything else
but
that’s
another
whole story
one thing
i did
learn
she
said
is
that
the time
spent
at
any given port
is
directly proportionate
to
the amount
of
time
it takes
for you
to get bored enough
to
buy
whatever
overpriced trinkets
portside residents
are
selling
residents
hired
by
or
in cahoots with
the
cruise company
i
also learned
that
sea days
aren’t
really the time
it takes
to
get
to the next port
but
serve
a similar function
as
port of call visits
creating
levels
of
boredom
that
make
you
appreciate
whatever
the next
podunk port
the
cruise company schedulers
have
setup up
ports of call
almost
always
presented
as
traditional
something
or
other
but
after
enough sea days
visiting
a deserted island
becomes
quite
attractive

 

a service request…

dear
stateroom attendants
please
remove
the squeaky corners
in
my room
that
prevent
the sandman’s arrival
they’ll be
easy
to find
one sounds
like
a cat
under duress
the others
sound like an assortment
of
sea creatures
attempting
to enter
this landlubber’s
humble
floating abode
needless to say
these
interruptions
of
my visits
to dreamland
are
resulting in
a short-tempered
passenger
the ship’s
other
passengers
and
crew
will greatly appreciate
your
immediate attention
to
this problem
cordially
sleepless on the veendam