never eat a mushroom unless you can positively identify it…

i got
aunt bea
a new iphone
so
we could
do
a little facetime
while
we’re confined
to
our respective
homes
we were
reminiscing
about
my inability
as
a youth
to
distinguish mushrooms
that
were edible
from
those
that were
poisonous
i suppose
it’s
a bit
like
picking
the right president
aunt bea
said
sometimes
we can’t choose
for
ourselves
and
every now
and
then
that can be
a good thing
but
we must always
be
observant
and
actively engaged
just
in case
those who
chose
for
us
made
a serious
mistake

 

public service announcement…

welcome
to
the united states
if
you are returning home
early
from
europe
in response
to
the president’s
cerebral patellar reflex
and
have
the coronavirus
be assured
that
by the time
we finish
with
the health screening
at
the end
of
this crowded
and
poorly ventilated space
you
won’t be alone
oh
and by the way
do not
remove
the toilet paper
from
the airport bathrooms
regardless
of
the hoarding
you’ve
heard about
taking place
across
the nation
and by the way
safe journeys
home
welcome
home

 

communicating with the dead…

at city council
he
proposed
that
the local graveyard
be
given
it’s own
zip code
and
that
each grave
be furnished
with
a mailbox
constructed
of
donated pvc pipe
which
could be
fabricated
at
the local prison
as
community service
thus
facilitating
each prisoner’s chance
for
parole
further
he stated
in
a rather somber voice
it would ensure
that
those
who had
passed on
would not
be
ignored
by
the us postal service
then
he said
with
a stage whisper
it would save
the city
the cost
of
return
postage

i’m gonna sue you…

the brown bag prophet
was handing out
political pamphlets
which
isn’t so unusual
this time of the year
but
given his
general attitude
towards
politicos
i had to find out
why
he would support
anyone
he paused
and then
said
i suppose
you
like most folks
recall
the skinny little dude
who ran his mouth
all the time
yelling at others
and
calling them names
which
were
for the most part
characteristic
of
himself
and
when challenged
by
someone
who was going
to
kick his ass
he’d
run home
to
his mother
and
hide
as they say
behind her skirt
it’s kinda
like
the current president
hiding behind
the law
when caught breaking
the laws
of
the land
look at this activity
as
showing his mom
a youtube video
of
the little jerk

 

cracker jack prize…

a rather
routine
event
body
lies
properly modified
for
appreciation
by
family
friends
and
those who
had
prayed
for
this day
when
suddenly
the corpse
coughs
this
of course
was
quite
out of the ordinary
and
most
disturbing
to
all
there
was
a series
of
oh dear gods
offered
and
numerous
i didn’t mean what i said
those
plaster saint retractions
filling
the mortuary
chapel
of
forgiveness
but then
someone’s cat
unceremoniously
emerged
from
the coffin
hairball
propelled
at
an ungrateful
and
spiteful
relative
hmm
perhaps
the
dead
do
speak

 

serve up that fried chicken…

i think
we should
all
vote
on
what becomes
the
official design
for
white house dining plates
it’s been suggested
that
the plates
should reflect
the true nature
of
the administration
a factual
historical representation
of
the policies
and
procedures
of
the presidential office
i think
that’s
a bully
idea
and
i’m sure
there are lots
of
disenfranchised citizens
that
would be more
than
willing
not only to vote
but
to render
several designs