half awake i wander through my day
sometimes dreaming
sometimes fearing
the corners of my own thoughts
as if there were some evil there
(it’s just a childish nightmare…)
all i ‘ve sought was love
not always that with passion
but that love which is willing to give
not decreed to be given
by some collared representative of god
(it’s just a childish wish…)
my body seems formless one moment
caught in a repeating nightmare
floating with only the sound of my heart beat
then vibrant like the sound
a morning sunrise should make
alive with all the  wonders of life
like a child seeing his first parade
(it’s just a childish vision…)
i’m caught in this cycle
i ‘m the board which holds the anchor of the ship
and although the rest of the ship is gone
i am bound to these shores
crashing upon the rocks at low tide
and floating freely in the waves at high tide
(it’s just a childish sensation…)
soon the sea will rust these chains
and i shall float freely
without being held to these shores
till then
i must hold fast to what can be
and live with what is
and wander with the ebb and flow
that has brought me to these shores
(it is just the fate of men…)

china doll…


once the source of laughter
on a christmas eve 
bringing a child’s face aglow
as if sprinkled with glittery star dust
now homeless
an aging inhuman artifact
unceremoniously wedged between
a copy of modern medicine
and an article on dying with dignity
residing along a deserted road
abandoned with childish disregard
now her constant companions
an old black and white tv
and her well-worn reclining chair
that stand guard over her
as if an attending physician
her eyes are now vacant
so many promises of god’s redemptive grace
yet the steady throbbing of pain
every solar rotation
every eclipse of the sun
the pain remains
she wonders
when does one die
is it when the heart stops
is this