i got aunt bea a new iphone so we could do a little facetime while we’re confined to our respective homes we were reminiscing about my inability as a youth to distinguish mushrooms that were edible from those that were poisonous i suppose it’s a bit like picking the right president aunt bea said sometimes we can’t choose for ourselves and every now and then that can be a good thing but we must always be observant and actively engaged just in case those who chose for us made a serious mistake
at city council he proposed that the local graveyard be given it’s own zip code and that each grave be furnished with a mailbox constructed of donated pvc pipe which could be fabricated at the local prison as community service thus facilitating each prisoner’s chance for parole further he stated in a rather somber voice it would ensure that those who had passed on would not be ignored by the us postal service then he said with a stage whisper it would save the city the cost of return postage
the brown bag prophet was handing out political pamphlets which isn’t so unusual this time of the year but given his general attitude towards politicos i had to find out why he would support anyone he paused and then said i suppose you like most folks recall the skinny little dude who ran his mouth all the time yelling at others and calling them names which were for the most part characteristic of himself and when challenged by someone who was going to kick his ass he’d run home to his mother and hide as they say behind her skirt it’s kinda like the current president hiding behind the law when caught breaking the laws of the land look at this activity as showing his mom a youtube video of the little jerk
a rather routine event body lies properly modified for appreciation by family friends and those who had prayed for this day when suddenly the corpse coughs this of course was quite out of the ordinary and most disturbing to all there was a series of oh dear gods offered and numerous i didn’t mean what i said those plaster saint retractions filling the mortuary chapel of forgiveness but then someone’s cat unceremoniously emerged from the coffin hairball propelled at an ungrateful and spiteful relative hmm perhaps the dead do speak
by early evening little eyes that refused to close the night before now have sustained blinks during the dinner dessert and slow motion efforts to retrieve the so sought after toys strewn across the living room floor as if members of some arctic search party seeking small shreds of brightly colored paper and puppy chewed ribbons that are the collateral damage of christmas morning’s celebration of childhood and before one can count to four tired parents are fast asleep in their chairs as children with visions dancing in their heads revive and play
till dawn
