now
i’m not one
to
gossip
and
spread
unfounded rumors
but
just yesterday
while
waiting
for
church to start
i happened
to
overhear
that
one of our
local politicians
had
suffered an
untimely
death
seems
he visited
the wilderness area
he was
so opposed to
and
suffered a
debilitating
injury
honey
that just means
he couldn’t walk
anyway
he called 911
and
they sent out
a couple of paramedics
his exwife
was one of them
well
when they got there
they started in with their
professional questions
name and such
and when
they got to his age
he said
sixty-five
honey
he’s 80
if
he’s a day
well
his dear exwife
said
since this is
federal land
and
protected by
the antiquities act
all
they could do
was to take
his photo
so they did
and
left him there
lord
didn’t it
get cold last night
sounds in the night
those
like
someone
moving around
oh it’s
just
the house settling
or
the wind
but it’s
a windless night
so
sounds
without
a logical explanation
quickly
convert
to those
childhood stories
oh
not the fairytales
but
the ones told
by
cantankerous uncles
engaged
in
scaring
the bejesus
out of
over confident teens
young males
whose
alpha status
is being tested
by
a group
of
old men
holding court
in
gramma’s old house
where
they too
first learned
the stories
now embellished
to
fit the times
and
of course
with the knowledge
that
the feral cats
always
wander around
this
time of night
now
not that it’s
my business
but
your business
is
all over town
honey
your whole life
is
on the street
for everyone
to share
and
i dare say
it seems quite
unfair
now i know
respectable folks
won’t ask
but
lord knows
i ain’t
respectable
so
even if you
do
mind
i’m gonna ask
and
you can be
assured
that
whatever
you say
is gonna be
broadcast
all
over town
by
night-time
so
consider your answer
quite
carefully
well
did you
or
did you not
now lord
i know
you’re supposed
to be
all knowing
but
i’d still
like
for you
to check
my personal data
in
your
final judgement book
where
you will notice
that
i
have
rarely complained
about
your
divine
wisdom
oh
i know
as
a youth
i complained
about
3.2 beer
and
that
whole acne thing
resulting
in
your version
of
mandatory teenage celibacy
but
this
is
about
a serious design flaw
that
you made
during
that
whole creation thing
a problem
i’m sure
you don’t have
but
ask
a member
of
your trinity party
for
verification
of
my
little
beef
simply put
i
cannot reach
the
center
of
my back
to
scratch it
when
i have
an itch
this
significant design flaw
which
is
not only true
in humans
since
i have noticed
that
other creatures
demonstrate
the same problem
thus
having
to revert
to using trees
and
such
to scratch
their backs
now
since
some of us
have
evolution
you could remediate
this problem
without
calling attention
to
your initial mistake
as for
those
of us
in
the here and now
i humbly
suggest
that you
daily
send down
angels
to relieve
our
center
spine woes
oh
and
if it’s not
asking too much
could
you pass
this
modest
proposal onto
the other
divine beings
as
a
public service
pronouncement
child i am so upset all my retirement plans have been turned upside down i had just located the perfect flat in tokyo but now the whole thing’s questionable no it’s not the economy i just saw plan 75 and now all i can think is me in wasabi flavored soylent green
medical treatment denied you’re a data point outside the life table those actuarial data suggest that you should be dead or at least curled up in a ball and dying not showing up at the hospital with a downhill mountain bike leg injury
Read Between the Minds 